No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
