I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
