Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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