Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
