She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
ttyl tear gas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
