So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
