I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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