I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
PANTIES FOUND
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
