Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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