I just pynch a tree in the face
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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