so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my sisters under your porch take her home
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
