We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize