im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
