My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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