I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We left an ass print on the piano.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
