i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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