Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
