life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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