chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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