Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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