community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
