oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ugly people sure do ruin things
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
