You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
