At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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