next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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