they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
