Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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