Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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