Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
