Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
