i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
