sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My vagina just clenched in fear
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
