Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
