There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
