somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
