Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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