She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
