Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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