Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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