why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
