Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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