Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
