CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
