No stitches, just platelets and will power
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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