I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
