I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize