and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
