I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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