Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
