id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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