I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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