i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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