I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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