This is not my ceiling
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
