i already hear my dad disowning me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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