just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
