Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
