Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
