She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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