The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
