The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
