shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
