how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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