when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
