Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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