She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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