Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
