Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
