Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
