No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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