Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
