youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
