Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
