Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
