did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
