She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
