You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize