my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
